Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
