I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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