im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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