thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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