I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
