Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
