plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My vagina just clenched in fear
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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