i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I just sharted jello shots
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
