the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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