She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
