It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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