Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
