What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
