Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
