I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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