Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
