my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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