My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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