So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
