Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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