I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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