my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When did angry sex become our thing?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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