My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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