I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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