I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
