the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
