How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
