If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
