I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
