It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
