Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
