Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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