I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
