I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
