I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
