When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
