At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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