You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
