The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
