his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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