Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
