He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
