I will die if light touches me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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