where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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