My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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