I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
