there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
