Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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