I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
