My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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