Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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