Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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