allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
