Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
