I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
