Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
