I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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