The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
