great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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