Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
