2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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