There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
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There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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