Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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