if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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