We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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