I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
