it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
