So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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